Ahh. This question never fails to exist and be brought up. This post today has been inspired by many things, but to be quite candid was very much influenced by many people who I have heard time and time again say “he’s just not the one”, or “I am just waiting for the ONE”. Good golly you guys, I, myself, have said this MANY TIMES IN THE PAST. So what does that really mean? How do you know that someone is THE ONE?
Now if you haven’t gotten a heads up yet, I have been doing quite a few posts on the topics of love, dating, and relationships throughout this month of February. I touch on it a bit in previous posts, but before reading this post I think it might be helpful to first watch this video that “#TRUTHTALK: No Person will Ever Complete you”. The main gist of that video is that the cultural stereotype of needing someone in order to survive is just NOT how we were built. We were built to love and serve JESUS as our ultimate priority, not to idolize marriage or another human person.
It’s sad to say, you miiiiiiggghtttt have gotten a bit carried away watching all the Disney movies and falling into the sappy romantic thoughts of the notebook and every other Nicholas Sparks movie. BUT ALAS, love is not just some perfect fairytale. In fact in many ways, expecting a perfect fairytale romance can sometimes actually create unrealistic and highly pressured expectations on the other person.
As a woman, I have to admit that we ladies are especially guilty of this! We expect a man who is a perfect ideal of a human being: perfectly chivalrous who intensely loves the Lord, dresses pristinely, has his financial situation fully in check, loves children and dogs, and slightly resembles Chris Hemsworth [cuz why not]. The problem is, we tend to idealize this SO much that we can actually look to the man to fill things that only JESUS can fill in many ways. As such, often times the man can never meet our expectations leaving him to constantly feel like an insignificant failure when we are disappointed.
If you believe there is JUST ONE person for you, aka “the one”, that means if they do mess up it will be that much more devastating for your heart. You put so much pressure on finding this ONE person that when true life and hardship happens, it is devastating and destroys everything you thought this person would be. We have to help ourselves out in this one. We cannot put so much pressure in the fairytale view that there is only one “end-all” “be-all” person for us.
I am going to be very frank about this in that I truly believe in all of my research, prayer, and counsel that there is not just one perfect person out there for us. Scripture tells us how to be guided in the right ways to choose a wise person to marry, but it says nothing about having just ONE person we’re “supposed” to marry. Instead we must be wise in our decision making process. Proverbs 31 urges us to look at the woman’s faith and character to make our choice. We should use this to direct us in finding a man as well. In the end, there is not ONE person, but there are certainly people that would be much wiser for you in the long run.
One thing is for certain: Find a person who’s CHARACTER and FAITH shines above all else.
So when it comes to knowing if someone is “the one” for you, I think instead of actually asking this question time and time again, we actually need to be asking, is this God’s WILL? Now that is a steep question for many of us to answer, because many times we struggle figuring out what God’s will looks like. So to that I must ask this: do you believe, through prayer, mentorship, community, and counsel that God is bringing the two of you to be together for the glory of His kingdom?
This question is not just answered on our own. It is IMPERATIVE that we are in community, striving for the Lord, and have sound godly mentors guiding our ways. We must go to these ones we trust for counsel throughout the process. Not just once. Continually. Let me repeat that. Not just once. Continually. It is so essential to have our own thoughts filtered through wise ones around us who have our best intentions at heart. Our minds can be misleading and fickle and I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have one of the biggest decisions of my life made with full confidence that the soundest people around me are in full support of my union.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:20-21
And then? PRAY. PRAY a ton. We need to seek out hearing God’s voice through our decision making and discernment process. We should also ask others to join us in doing the same. While I do believe we have the freedom to choose, it is a huge decision that should not be prayed about a LOT a lot a loooooootttttt. Did I say a lot yet?
Last but NOT least I want to quickly pull from the amazing Jefferson Bethke, who talks about it being less about finding THE ONE, and more about preparing yourself to be the ONE. It is not about finding someone that fits into our PERFECT little box of comfortability and expectations. It is about stretching and growing and committing to someone that will make a beautiful, complimentary partner for you as you strive together for the Kingdom.
So how do you feel about this? Did I just shatter all of your pre conceived ideas about searching for one person that will be perfect for you?
Did I empower you that the most important thing is working on yourself and seeking after the Lord? Did I encourage you that there are probably many amazing people out there you could choose meaning you do not have to be so tight gripped in pressure?
How do you feel lovelies? Comment below or email me so we can talk even MORE! I care about your heart and this journey of finding love!