Hey friends, we are in the month of February and thus talking about all things LOVE, DATING, and RELATIONSHIPS. For today’s #TRUTHTALK I am talking about something that I have dealt with for shizzle but that also is a huge misconception I see in our culture, which is…
#TRUTHTALK: NO PERSON WILL EVER COMPLETE YOU
Good golly. Jerry McGuire did all sorts of wrong to our society you guys. I am SERIOUS on that one. In the famous film Tom Cruise recites a dramatic speech to Renee Zelweger. With tears in his eyes he says “I love you. You complete me…” and Renee interrupts him to say, “Just shut up, you had me at hello.” And then they hug and everyone cries. THE END. The problem I have about this is…. YES, that seems so lovely and all… the sentiment is nice, but the reality is so very misleading and I think it has done a huge disservice to our culture. Miserable. Horrible. Catastrophic.
ONE PERFECT SOULMATE=A BIG BAD MYTH
Unfortunately, we have been led to believe that we should be putting ALL of ourselves into our relationships. There is a cultural myth that we cannot function or be whole without someone else to sustain us. It all started back from Plato- yup that guy! In his writings he said that “round people” comprised of both a male and female united into ONE person in order to try and overthrow the God’s. Zeus got word of this and wasn’t so thrilled by the idea so we cut them into two… so that they could be WEAKER but yet more USEFUL.
Even worse, after Zeus did that the separate halves did everything they could to reunite, but when they couldn’t the would actually DIE because they were not able to survive without the other. And hence comes the entire idea of having a SOULMATE to complete us or else we should not be able to function in our lives.
YIKES. That’s kind of depressing.
We do not not have to be desperate for love
SO to be honest, I have fallen to this place too many times than I can count. Taking it all the way back to when I was 16 and I had 16 boyfriends…. You did not hear that wrong, I SAID 16! Crazy right?! I would do anything to be known by someone else, to be cared for and loved by someone who thought I was valuable.
What I was missing here was a key piece of information that I really needed…. while those relationships could ADD to my life, they could never COMPLETE my life. They were supplementary but not necessary.
We can often be desperate for love and fall into Plato’s unhealthy writings of finding your ultimate soulmate…. but what does the Bible say about all of this? The bible says love isn’t desperate. Marriage is a glorious gift, but it takes second precedence to our identity IN CHRIST.
Instead of being in a desperate search for love with another human, we should rather be patiently looking for someone who shares in our love for the Lord and can partner with us to love God and live out His purpose in our lives.
Now something I really want to talk about for a second is THIS: we can get on our pedastool and say we know deep love for ourselves and that we are so independent and fully satisfied without a man and are GOOD just the way we are… We can sign purity pledges or make promises to our friends and parents and mentors… but all words and things aside, when it comes down to it, is that how we REALLY feel on the inside?
I faked it till I made it for years. I could walk the walk of Ms. Independent, but when it was tested I found myself in a downward spiral of abyss because it literally felt like half of my being just died. RIP. This toxic reaction has led me in the past to self deprecating thoughts of “I am not good enough” or “I must be unloveable” or “I’ll never get better” or “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Here is the TRUTH-If you are finding that rejection literally takes you down, you might need to rethink the real narrative going on in your mind. Only God will be able provide abundantly and fully for you and your heart. Only in Him can you be fully satisfied.
LOVE IS A CHOICE, NOT A FLEETING FEELING
While I LOVE the sentiment of sappy romcoms like the Notebook, and Titantic, most of these films show love in relation to emotions and feelings. The thing is, feelings change and fade and mislead us sometimes. Love is a CHOICE, not a feeling. It is not some fairytale romance where we find our perfect soulmate that makes us feel like we are on top of the world. That sounds sweet, yes, but it is also unrealistic and UNSAFE.
Think about it, would you be truly satisfied knowing that someone loved you today but if their feelings faded tomorrow they MIGHT leave you? That is SO INSECURE. Love should not be based on just feelings and emotions, it is based on commitment and the choice to choose that person through good, bad and ugly.
Gary Thomas in his book the Sacred Search says that “In marriage love is NOT an emotion, it’s a policy and a commitment.”
If you still aren’t convinced in all of this and if you are still feeling super lonely I just want to let you know something. You already have your perfect soulmate… his name starts with a Jes and ends with an US. JESUS. [lol, don’t hate me for that corny joke!!]
Maybe some men on this earth have failed to love and care for your heart…. but there is one in whom you are fully loved and fully taken care of. Dont just take it from me, the bible actually says it, “you also are COMPLETE through your union with Christ” Colossians 2:10
We must get that right before we ever think about dating.
It ALL starts with knowing truly how complete our identity is IN CHRIST. How loved we are IN HIM. We must break down the myth of having “one perfect soulmate to complete us” and instead strive towards Loving Jesus so much and waiting for someone who shares that love and wants to hop into your lane and run alongside us on this journey for God.
I have been broken up with and felt destroyed in the past. I have dated to seek affirmation. Don’t be like past Kait anymore, you can change your future narrative. Seek to understand an unshakable love for yourself FIRST so you can withstand the storms of life and of dating and marriage.
Okay, so what do you say? Can we go out there and confidently date and be in relationship knowing where our truth worth, value, and overall wholeness comes from FIRST?
Let’s do this!