Lovely friends, today I come to you with the MOST exciting of posts….[the giddy laughing photo above says it ALL] You may have been following along with my recent series, Dating: The Struggle is Real. Well, today I come to you with a SERIOUS update which surely you can assume from my title…. Dating: the struggle is NO LONGER real! PHEW, what a whirlwind of loveliness + excitement. Bear with me as I share a bit of this crazy beautiful, + fully ironic story with you loves.
Right after posting this series about dating, I hosted a Christian singles party with a few friends in Los Angeles. It was a non committal, no pressure, fun + easy evening meant for intentional Christian singles from around the city to come together + meet one another in a pointed, yet oh so fun setting [with wine of course!]. I went into this night having NO expectations of what was to happen. I was simply excited to host something that was so near + dear to my heart to encourage dating + connection in this amazing city. I had such a lovely evening + met so many wonderful people…. but by the VERY end of the night I found myself in conversation with a lovely, attractive man, who [pause for excitement] was from South Africa [yes, he has a dreamy accent], + was on TOP of that a musician…. cue immediate thoughts all my daydreams coming true. His lovely South African name is Cobus (pronounced kind of like Quebec). In the middle of our first conversation he stopped me 10 minutes in to say “You have such a positive, radiant energy about you + it is SO lovely speaking to you”…. can you say SWOON?!? I was completely taken a back by the sincere, sweet words of affirmation. By the end of the conversation, I knew this man was far beyond extraordinary.
Soon after, we exchanged information + began what was the most lovely + eye opening text conversation that I have ever been a part of. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I felt like I was talking to someone who truly reciprocated all of my love languages + exact style of communication. I started reading through his messages + thought, “WOW, this is exactly how I talk. I feel like I am reading words I have written!” Oh gosh it comforted my heart in ways I could not explain. If you know me at all, you know I text in NOVEL form…. so to find someone who matched that communication + also even spoke with his words so perfectly the same as I did was truly such a point of PURE giddy excitement for me.
From there he asked me on a “low-pressure get to know one another hangout”, which was SO clear + lovely to know right upfront. His communication was flawless, his transparency was uncanny, + his pure interest for me was so apparent. All of these things, loves, are the kinds of patterns you should be expecting at the beginning of any pursuit. Remember when I said dating can be a great way to get to know someone different from yourself? Both of us had the expectation that we wanted to get to know one another, without the pressure of knowing exactly WHAT was going to happen or needing to know if we were compatible from date 1. When we are clear with our communication, + set our expectations low it makes room for SO much more to happen [or not, if that is what God wants.].
The first date came + to be fair, it honestly blew my mind. We started with coffee [the best introductory, low pressure, “let’s get to know one another” meeting if you ask me]. Within the first 10 minutes of chatting, we had skipped over all the small talk + moved directly into how Jesus has impacted our lives for the betterment of our hearts in recent years. He EVEN mentioned that he had read my recent blog posts on dating: major brownie points + heart eyes for him in that moment. We started connecting on an incredibly lovely + true, spiritual + emotional level.
One of my favorite things that happened from our first date was that we both talked about not revealing too much too soon. I know this may be too transparent for some people to feel comfortable saying to one another upfront, but it is SO amazing to have this kind of clear communication right from the start. By sharing parts of myself in the past, I also have had a tendency to overshare with someone in the moment. However, the more + more I realized that sharing parts of my life + my past was like giving pieces of my heart away, the sooner I realized I needed to have more discernment + caution when choosing how much to disclose upfront. That being said, I urge you not to be fully closed off, but rather be aware of HOW much you are saying + equally WHEN to say it.
Our stories are beautifully written, and are ones to be revealed to another over time…. carefully + wonderfully.
From this point forward, we had a second date that was pivotal, filled with clarity + peace. During this date, he told me that he had been praying + speaking to his mentors about how quickly things were happening between us. I nearly fainted hearing him say the word mentor, because that has always been something I cared about but never wanted to force in relationship. Let me also clarify that a LOT of talking was happening in between these dates. I mean, A LOT. Novel worthy talking, in fact. So to hear that he was also seeking counsel on the fast timeline made my heart feel so comforted, as I was doing the same with my friends + mentors.
After swooning me with his talk of mentorship, he proceeded to say that he was not afraid of the fast timeline because of the amount of peace in this, + that he wanted to see me + only me. A LOT….Goodness I wish you could have seen the sappy-like oh-so-lovely face I had at that exact moment. He was clearly communicating, being transparent, prayerful, + SO INTENTIONAL. Oh my dears, this is what it should look like! My heart was stunned + so thankful all in one. It was truly just incredibly lovely.
While the timeline does not have to move this fast for everyone, it does not take away from the fact that low expectations, clear communication, + true intention mean SO MUCH when embarking on the journey to get to know someone. When God is in the fabric of every detail, it is SO much easier to receive true clarity + peace as you press forward making the proper decisions.
Another thing I just adore about Cobus is that he spent so much time getting to know himself as a man + his identity in Christ BEFORE meeting me. I mentioned this in the struggle is real part 2, but spending time TRULY healing from your past + really getting to KNOW your identity is so so vital before entering into a true, deep + meaningful partnership with someone else. When both people are secure in their own identity in Christ, they will not have to fill that void with love from another, because they are already FULLY satisfied in Christ’s love. Oh, there is just so much tangible truth to that for dating!
All this to say friends, I could go on + on about how God has truly turned my world upside down with dating this last month when Cobus entered my life, but alas I must stop somewhere. YES I HAVE A BOYFRIEND + YES HE IS MORE AMAZING THAN ANYTHING I COULD HAVE EVER PICTURED OR IMAGINED. Please know there will be more updates in the future, but I felt it so important to share with you a bit about what was happening in the realms of my heart especially after writing this series on dating + then being suddenly a little absent to you loves.
I just want to wrap this up by saying that you should have so much confidence that God can + WILL bring us the desires of our hearts. It will likely be above + beyond anything we could ever imagine, I assure you of that. Don’t try to figure it all out, just be SO PATIENT + expectant that His very best is at work for you even in the moments you may feel so lonely.
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalm 37:4 [how often do we take this one for granted?]
I adore you all + once again thank you for being on this incredible journey with me. It means the world…. Stay tuned for more [insert heart eyes, hearts, stars, rainbows + all the love-ly emoticons here].
Photos by Kat Hennessey