Hello my lovelies!
Wow, it has been one heck of a week! There is SO much transition is going on right now… between work [we just signed our first one year client at KaitKat!], to life [I am possibly MOVING in a week to another part of LA], to social [I just threw a Christian singles party in LA last week + it was ever so amazing], to travel [I am out of town for literally the next 4 weekends in a row]. Needless to say, there is a lot going on… but you know what is the greatest? God has been SO GOOD through all the change + transition [then again, when is he not?!]!
Speaking of transition… I want to briefly jump back into the convo of dating REAL quick. The last post on dating was a marathon [sorry you guys!]. But just like in a marathon, hopefully when you finished you felt a thrill of excitement + accomplishment! If you haven’t read it yet, you can find it here. That is not to say my writing is anything extraordinary, but that I thank you for sticking through it + making it to the end… thank you thank you. I now owe you a glass of soothing red wine!
Today I want to talk about the third most common reason I have heard for why there is a lack of dating in our culture.
Reason # 4: “I am confused.”
Yes, that’s right. Confusion is the 4th biggest reason for why I find there is a lack of dating in our culture. Confusion in identity. Confusion about what one wants in life. Confusion about WHO one wants to date + WHY. Confusion about peace. Confusion about timing. There is just SO MUCH CONFUSION.
Let’s just hit reality hard on the head right now friends. Confusion is not from the Lord. It says this explicitly in the Bible!
“For God is NOT a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints” 1 Corinthians 14:33
Without getting too far deep into all of this, I do want to touch on the fact that too often we are truly in our own heads when it comes to confusion on whether or not we want to date someone. The point of dating, as mentioned in post # 2, is to have an amazing time, enjoy the process, + learn a lot about someone who is different from yourself. The issue is, sometimes we get too hung up in our own heads about things not being fully “perfect” or that it is not “how we would have pictured” when we are meeting someone different from ourselves. But what I would love to challenge you with is: what does “perfect” look like? Will we EVER be fully financially stable? Will we ever know ever every aspect about ourselves? Will we ever have just enough time in our schedules to have the time to actually go on dates? The answer to all of these is… maybe not, + that is okay.
I would love to remind you of the concept of NOT relying on your own vision of perfect timing, + trusting in God’s perfect plan for you + how he perfectly crafted you to be in His image.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Believe it or not, God is always speaking to you, even in the silence. As Jon Bloom states in his Desiring God article called When God Seems Absent, “He is speaking all the time in the priceless gift of his objective word so you don’t need to rely on the subjective impressions of your fluctuating emotions.” All of that is to remind us that even if we do not feel like we are hearing from the Lord or that He is silent, we are to not get stuck on our fluctuating, mostly irrational, emotions. Emotions can be unstable + we need to use them as a gauge, not a guide.
Do you ever find yourself listening to that little voice in your head that starts to raise concerns about something small? Eventually you find yourself spiraling downward with that small concerning thought into a waterslide of rushing emotions until you are fully immersed in the thinking that the small concern is a FAR bigger concern than you could have ever imagined. It is fascinating how often our minds play these tricks on us. Where is the concern even coming from? Is it even valid?
In these moments, our emotions are to be a gauge not a guide. Often the enemy wants to grab hold of our vulnerable places + make a mess out of our minds until we have no idea what is sober minded + what is purely the making of an inconceivable lie.
Another fair piece of advice I have learned throughout battling confusion of the mind is to always bring your concern to a trusted mentor in dating. When in doubt, always bring your questions to a valid + wiser source who is more experienced than you in their learnings from the Lord as well as the intricacies of dating. When someone tells me they are confused about a person they are dating, I always ask “What does your mentor say about your concerns?”. We ALL have blind spots + areas that need guidance… WISE guidance. So let’s do ourselves a huge favor + seek advice from someone who is seriously experienced in the area that we are drowning in with confusion.
“For lack of guidance a nation fails, but victory is won through many advisers” Proveryls 11:14
Friends, I know there is so much more I could say on the topic of confusion in dating, but I do have to say that this is a topic that has truly affected me DEEPLY. I cannot tell you in just the last year how many men have told me that I am an amazing woman + that they feel like they want to date me, but are simultaneously confused on whether or not they should. I am not saying that they SHOULD have dated me necessarily, but rather that it is fully important to recognize that confusion is not of the Lord + should be addressed + identified as false advertising.
In conclusion: Confusion is not from the Lord. Bring your confusion in front of Him. Lay it at His feet. Surrender your idea of perfect timing. Do not simply reply on your emotions. Seek wise counsel.
Love you all.
Photos by Kat Hennessey